Fighting Off the Angel of Death

The knowledge of death came to me that night….I went into the inner death and saw that outer dying is better than inner death. And I decided to die outside and live within….I turned away and sought the place of the inner life! —C.G. Jung, The Red Book

In mid-January, after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I spent five days in the hospital. At the time I was on narcotic pain medication, so I’m not sure if this was a dream or a vision. It doesn’t matter—it was as real as anything I’ve ever experienced when awake.  My first night home as soon as I lay down in my bed to sleep, I saw a burnt, demonic creature rush into my chest cavity and lodge itself there in my body. I felt that it was either my death or a manifestation of the disease itself.

I did not even feel fear. Not one second passed. Immediately I called out to my ancestors and to God. Within a split second the great goddess Isis appeared to me and told me what to do. She gave me a musical tone to sing. I sang it over and over and the black demon was pushed right out of my body. Isis immediately stood in front of me and covered me with an impenetrable shield of protection.

I knew I was safe. I had no doubt, no horror, no fear. I did not have to go and wake up my sister who was sleeping in the next room and ask her for comfort and reassurance. I simply fell into a peaceful sleep.

However, I do not know what would have happened to me if I had not “known what to do,” if I had not called out for Divine help. Afterward, I realized that the ability to push this evil presence from my body with the help of the Goddess was the result of years of spiritual practice and the building of relationships with healing masters, angels, and my ancestors. Help came when I called. I felt so much gratitude. This is truly one of the most powerful and astonishing experiences I’ve ever had.

I believe that this was the moment when the cancer lost its grip on my body. From that moment on, the cancer was toast. My healing was already a done deal. It was inevitable that, after this experience, the cancer would gradually be pushed from my body and that I would enter into full remission.

As Jung writes above, I made a choice between actual physical death and instead am taking the journey of metaphorical death. I am dying to everything in my life that does not serve me: self doubt, fear, lack of belief in my own creative gifts, living without a life partner because I am afraid of love, living too small when I should be stretching to find my limits—and transcending them.

Years ago, even though at the time I did not believe in such things, a palm reader read my hand. She told me that my lifeline was very long, but that it broke and then continued. “You will reincarnate within this lifetime,” she said, “a very unusual experience.” I have been thinking about that lately because, like the phoenix rising from the ashes, I am day by day coming back to life.

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About Joy Parker

As a three-time cancer survivor and storyteller, I felt compelled to create this blog because I felt the need to connect with an audience and immediately share what I am learning as I am learning it. The material in this blog is serving as the basis for two books that I am writing. The first book talks about how illness is a vehicle that takes us into the unknown land, teaches us things we couldn’t otherwise learn, and then gives us the opportunity to bring them back to our community. It offers a compass and creates a map of the unknown land so that others might find their path more easily. Most important, it shares what I have learned about waking up and being truly alive in this magnificent world. That might sound simple enough, but the actual experience is devastatingly beautiful and powerful. The second project is a book with medicine cards discussing many of the lessons I’ve learned from my experiences with healing and as a healer, the indigenous world, and walking a spiritual path. Most important, it is the story of the development of my own personal mythology. People tend to think of myths as massive stories and beliefs that develop in a culture over hundreds or thousands of years. We now live in a time of crisis and we don’t have a hundred years. The time for healing and transformation is now, and we are the ones we have been waiting for.
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One Response to Fighting Off the Angel of Death

  1. Tayria Ward says:

    AMAZING story. Thank you a thousand times for telling it.

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